Ich bin krank...

This is going to be a quick blog post tonight.  I feel partially guilty for not writing for a few days, but I also feel partially guilty for not being in bed.  This week has started off a little less than optimal.
Let me explain: What do you get when you mix over 100 musicians forced to spend way too much time together + crazy busy schedules + lack of sleep + a completely new environment?  Sickness... a singer's nightmare.  No amount of Vitamin C could've stopped the inevitable.  All I can say is, thank goodness I brought a big box of Sudafed with me!  Europe has much stricter rules about what drugs can be sold in stores--even allergy medications need prescriptions here.  And forget about Wal-mart.  Most stores close around 6 or 7 here.  I went to a "dm" store today (which is sort of like a Walgreens), and the best "medicine" I could find were Riccola throat drops and herbal supplements.  The Sudafed is helping, but I really wish I had some Mucinex... listen to me, I sound like an addict. :)

So, I came here to sing and right now I sound like a dying cow.  It's a little frustrating.  All is not lost though. I've been able to focus on other things, like working on posture, breathing, diction, and character development.  This has definitely allowed me to have a lot of time for self-reflection, and in a way, focus on things I may have been overlooking, or have been too busy to really dig into before.  (Or, I'll be honest, things I've been too lazy to address before.)

I realize that I have had some setbacks in my life, and my tiny resume is almost laughable.  However, I have to constantly remind myself that I can NOT change anything that has already happened.  I can't dwell on the "coulda-woulda-shoulda's" or I will continue to dig myself into a hole.  When I first arrived here, I thought that I was not at the same level as everyone else, but I had to keep telling myself, everyone's story is different.  Some people go to colleges with big opera programs.  Some were blessed with an insanely talented voice from a very young age.  Some have been to several summer programs.  Some have studied with big-name teachers.  Some have pressing health issues.  Some have Master's degrees.  Some didn't even study music until very late in life.

I just have to keep telling myself that I am exactly where I need to be.   It's hard, but I have to keep telling myself.  I am where I am for a reason.  Are there things I wish I could've done differently?  Of course.  Too late to change now--the only choices I have are to keep pressing on and keep growing and learning...or change careers.  And I'm not about to go down without a fight! ;)

Okay, enough late-night reflection.  It's time for sleep.  Tomorrow is another chance to succeed.  Hopefully my voice will find it's way back to a healthy state very soon! :)